Friday, April 18, 2008

Self-doubts and Affirmations

The Fall 24x36" acrylic on wood panel, 2008

What a wonderful day today was. It is so beautiful in Boston when we have spring, and it seems like we might. This is my last free weekend, starting next week I will begin my seasonal job at the Old Town Trolley Company. I will drive around in circles all day talking history. This year I will be only working part time, 3 days a week, Fri, Sat, and Sunday. This week I had to take my drug test, I don't know maybe there is something anatomically wrong with me but I find it virtually impossible to pee in those little tiny cups. And you are under such pressure, they mark the cup off with how much you have to produce, they stand out side the door to make sure you are not doing anything nefarious with your collection. You feel guilty even though you are not! Next Wednesday, I go and get certified with the safety conductor, I will have to spend the next few days rereading and memorizing my Boston history, as all those dates have flown right out of my head.

Last night my son helped me hang all my current work around my studio for a visit with our newly formed crit group. I was very apprehensive about the crit as I am suffering now from huge self-doubts, with the cancellation of the shows and going back to work, I start to question my artistic dedication and lets face it, my chops. Well, what a wonderful, talented, generous group of artists I have the pleasure of being part of, of calling my peers. Their attention, encouragement  and suggestions helped me to feel connected to my work and to my peers, and to even feel like a peer. The more I do this the more I realize the need to develop internal success markers and one of those markers has to be the respect of my peers, today that was affirmed. 

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